In the Life of the Akatsuki
by otakufangirl101
Summary: Konan decides to set-up a video camera to let the members of the Akatsuki record their daily reports instead of having a meeting everyday, but will they take it seriously? Or will they get a little too carried away and reveal some of their true feelings and thoughts?
1. Chapter 1

Hi guys! It's me again, otakufangirl101. This will now be my very second Naruto fanfic I have written with help from my lovely co-writer/best friend. So please enjoy and review!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto (unfortunately)

Warning: Language due to Hidan and his bad language

**In the Life of the Akatsuki**

"ITACHI! DID YOU STEAL MY PURPLE NAIL POLISH AGAIN?!" screamed a fuming Deidara.

"No…I just permanently borrowed it without asking," Itachi retorted, waltzing into the room.

"What about my hair conditioner, huh? Did you take that to? Hn?"

"Actually, that was me you mother fucking twit," Hidan said with a smirk.

"Hidan said bad words, you bad bad boy. Hidan, why can't you be a good boy like Tobi?!" Tobi said in his boy Lolita voice.

"Fucking retard," muttered Hidan.

"Now now Hidan, don't be mean to me cause TOBI IS A GOOD GOOD GOOD GOO-" Hidan takes a deep breath and then screams;

"IF YOU FUCKING SAY GOOD ONE MORE TIME, I'M GOING TO FUCKING REMOVE YOUR DICK AND ATTACH IT TO YOU FUCKING FACE THEN I'M…"

_Ten minutes later_

(Pant, pant)

"Fuck…you…Tobi…" Hidan passes out on the floor after excessively screaming at Tobi, who was just innocently standing there. Everyone's' jaw dropped. Just then, Sasori walks in.

"What was all that yelling about?" he asks. Everyone just stared at him, then back at Hidan.

"Tobi…is…going…to…go…lie…down…now…" said Tobi, in state of shock and surprise. When Tobi leaves, Kisame and Kakuzu walk in. They see Tobi leave the room upset.

"What's wrong with him?" Inquired Kisame with a tinge of 'I-don't-even-want-to-know' attitude.

"Hidan was yelling at Tobi who is now probably scarred for life," responded Deidara with no pity. Konan and Pein walked into the room like nothing had even happened. They went on with their daily lives. Deidara discussed and argued with Itachi about beauty products; Kakuzu counted his money; Pein walked around aimlessly with his 6 paths stalking him; Konan did some origami; Kisame talked to the fish in the fish tank; Hidan finally regained consciousness and spent the day praying to Jashin; Tobi sat in the corner of his room rocking back and forth, trying to shake mental images from his mind and Sasori played with his puppets.

Life in the Akatsuki is pretty boring, I mean they are rogue S-ranked ninja criminals who left their village. Your orders are to capture the tailed beast Jinchuurikis and bring them back in one piece without getting killed in the process. At least they get to live their lives without parents nagging you at every single minute of the day.

Later that night when they were all gathered in the lounge room talking, Konan announced that she had a great idea.

"Hey," she started which made the boys look at her. "Why don't we set-up a video camera in the spare room with a chair?"

"What'll that achieve, hn?" asked Deidara

"Well, each day instead of us having a meeting and telling Pein and I what the base patrol was like, what happened on your mission or did anything suspicious happen, you can talk to the camera and Pein and I can watch it later. Honestly, it gets too troublesome to get everyone together especially since Tobi and Hidan's argument thing today, it was hard just to get Tobi to come out of his room."

"So all we have to do is talk to a camera?" asked Sasori.

"Yeah," Konan replied. "If we need to talk to you, then we'll ask to see you." Everyone thought the idea was much better than holding a meeting that Konan bought a video camera the next morning and set it up. Hopefully, her idea would go as planned, or would it?

The first one to test out the camera was the origami kunoichi herself.

_AN: Whenever it says the character's name then P.O.V, it means they're in the room with the video camera...except for the Author's P.O.V_

Konan's P.O.V

'Well, so far today the base has been quiet, except for Tobi, and no suspicious activity has been sighted *sigh* I really hope this camera thing works and the boys take it seriously. I can't stand to have another meeting in that room with all of them. I mean, try being the only girl in the Akatsuki. You have no idea how hard it is to live with 9 boys. You'd have to be mental. I walk into the room and they're either arguing, arm wrestling, drinking…and some other things I don't even want to describe. You've got some guy who looks like a freaking girl with mouths on his hands, an emotionless guy made of wood, some psychopath who killed his own clan, a religion loving freak, a creepy plant guy, a zombie with 5 hearts, a blue guys who looks like a fish, a guy with a thousand piercings and a fucked up retard. Can my life get any worse?'

Author's P.O.V

Later that night…

Itachi's P.O.V

'The base was fine today, no suspicious behaviour; it was quiet except for the occasional outburst of childish behaviour. He such a foolish little kid sometimes…he almost reminds me of my brother when Sasuke was little, except Tobi doesn't cling to me as much. *sigh* I kinda miss my old life, with my family and Sasuke. You know, I promised him that I'd always be there for him because he was my little brother, and that's what big brothers do; they're always there for them. But now I have no family except for a brother who hates me. I mean, I know I was the one who killed my entire clan that night, but jeez, you have to understand I was protecting the village and my brother. *sob* Sasuke hates me and he always will after what I've told him and he's seen. My life is…now, my life is…well…I wouldn't know how to describe it…a mess?'

Author's P.O.V

Itachi walks out of the room with a tear streaming down his face. He pushes Deidara and Kisame out of the way in the hallway as he passes them walks off into his bedroom and locks the door behind him.

"What's his problem?" asks Deidara.

"Ummm...I'm not entirely sure…" replies Kisame. Just then they hear Itachi scream out from his bedroom:

"WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?" Itachi screams out while crying at the same time.

The fish man and the blonde shinobi look at each other.

"Ummm…" Deidara starts. The two men stand there for a moment thinking of what cause Itachi's weird behaviour.

"Ah," Kisame started. "Sasuke doesn't love him."

"Of course," Deidara said nodding in agreement. "It has to be that."

Kisame walked into the kitchen while Deidara headed for the room to have a chat to the video camera.

**Finally, I've finished the first chapter, phew. Please leave a review. The next chapter should be up and running very soon...hopefully. :) Hmmm...I wonder what Deidara will say...**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi guys, sorry for the slow update but I haven't had time and school's just started up again. Thanks to my reviewers on the first chapter.  
But here is chapter 2! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto  
Warning: Language due to Hidan**

Deidara's P.O.V

'Yeah, nothing exciting as usual; no suspicious behaviour at the base or even when I went down to the local village to get my hair re-done. My hair was in total need of help since last time I let Tobi help me with my hair, because my man Sasori refused. Tobi not only bleached my hair, he got the blonde bleach everywhere, including my face. God, he is just so useless, hn! And annoying! Everyday it's like "Deidara-sempai this and Deidara-sempai that!" The worst thing he ever said to me though was "Deidara-sempai, you're so feminine, you look like a girl!" I mean seriously, hn! I definitely don't look like a girl and last time I checked I wasn't a girl either. And I'm NOT feminine. I'm very manly, hn. *sits there filing his nails* Hn, it's not like I do girly stuff like wearing make-up, playing with my hair or doing my nails or…*realises what he's doing* Oh my God! I…I really am feminine! Am…am I a girl?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhh!'

Author's P.O.V

Deidara ran out of the room screaming (like a girl), whizzing past a confused looking Kisame and Sasori.

"Geez, what's with everyone today? First Itachi and now Deidara; both of them walked into the room fine and then came out of there completely different. Is that room like a torture room or something?" said Kisame. "It's entertaining though."

"Hmmmmm, true," the puppet master started. "Maybe it's their time of the month." The two shinobi stood there for a moment, staring at each other before Kisame burst out laughing.

"Most likely," he said, trying to contain his laughter.

Hidan's P.O.V

'Nothing interesting happened today, it was extremely boring like every other day in this shithole. The only entertainment I get is from Tobi annoying the crap out of Deidara. *grabs a cloth from inside his cloak and starts polishing his scythe* But I swear if Tobi fucking says "I'm a good boy" one more time, he'll become a very nice offering for Lord Jashin. It'd be nice and quiet without that twit running around the base and the rest of us can live happily ever after with rainbows and kittens and…what the fuck am I saying? *Comes close up to the camera and lights a cigarette* Look, forget I said that…that wasn't me, ok? *sits there smoking for a couple of minutes* Have you ever tried going out into town with a zombie? You can't pick up chicks when there's a fucking zombie with five hearts with you. It creeps the girls out. Oh and by the way, just so you know, Kakuzu is a BIG perv. Then again he is old and old men are bigger perverts. So watch out Konan, or even Deidara. Anyway later on, I know that you, Lord Pein and Konan the slut are going to watch this so don't let Kakuzu find out I said this shit, he would kill me…haha, not that he can anyway because I'm immortal and nothing can kill me! Yeah bitches! Mwhahaha…hahaha….haha…ha…'

Author's P.O.V

Kisame opened the door slightly to see Hidan sitting close up to the camera.

"What the fuck do you want, bluey? Can't you see I'm not done yet?"

"Dude, you've been in here for like 30 minutes now. Besides, dinner's ready," said Kisame. Suddenly, Tobi barges into the room.

"Hidan! Guess what?! Tobi set the table for dinner all by myself! I'm a good boy!" yelled an overexcited Tobi. Hidan looked back at the camera.

"Don't expect to see Tobi ever again," Hidan said in a pissed off voice at the camera.

"What do you mean that you'll never see Tobi again, Hidan?" asked a confused Tobi. Hidan stands up slowly, grabs his scythe and stares at Tobi with a slightly creepy and murderous look.

"It means I'm going to kill you, you shithead! Come here!" Hidan runs for Tobi who takes that as his hint to run for his life.

-In the kitchen-

Deidara sat at the table trying to act cool and trying to keep whatever manly pride he had left after what happened today.

"Hey Deidara, what's going on with you today? You came out of that room screaming, ran into yours and chucked out your hair products, make-up, your hair straightener and nail products and nail files. Kisame told me what happened. Are you all right?" asked a concerned Konan. Kisame had also told Itachi about Deidara's experience so Kisame and Itachi were standing in the kitchen, listening to Konan and Deidara's conversation and trying to contain their laughter.

"I don't want to talk about it. It was nothing, hn," Deidara replied to Konan. Kisame and Itachi couldn't hold it in anymore. They burst out laughing.

"_It was nothing? _As if dude, you came out of that room screaming like a little girl!" Kisame said. This caused a louder laugh to erupt from Itachi. Fuming, Deidara stood up so fast that his chair fell backwards.  
"Like you can laugh Itachi, hn! You were just as bad! Fast walking out of the room with a tear running down your face!" yelled Deidara. Itachi had stopped laughing and was now death glaring at Deidara.

"One more word and I will kill you," Itachi said murderously.

"What are you gonna do, hn? Run off to Sasuke and ask for his help, hn? Oh wait, that's right, he doesn't LOVE YOU!" Itachi activated his sharingan and started to advance towards Deidara. Deidara reached for his detonating clay.

"Boys! Stop it!" shouted Konan. "So what if Deidara screams like a girl, even though it's weird, and so what if Sasuke doesn't love Itachi, I mean come on; he's a freaking bastard out to kill you, Itachi. So suck it up princesses! Let's just forget about it and eat." Itachi deactivated his sharingan but still death glared Deidara who muttered "Damn Uchiha" under his breath. Everyone was eating peacefully at the table except for Tobi who had mysteriously disappeared.  
"Hidan, where's Tobi?" asked Sasori.

"I don't know who gives a fuck?" Hidan replied.

"Well, last time I saw him, you were chasing him around yelling 'I'm going to kill you little fucker'."

"And, your point is Sasori?"

"No reason," said the Red head.

"Exactly, so shut your bloody mouth!" yelled Hidan. The Akatsuki ate in silence for the rest of dinner.

**Oooooooo...what's happened to Tobi? What's Hidan hiding? Hidan's P.O.V was a little bit weird, I have to admit when I wrote it myself, but he's still foul mouthed. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter. The next chapter should be uploaded soon. :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**So this is the last chapter of the story. I know it's not that exciting but I really needed to finish the story so here's the last part of it. Enjoy! And thank you my reviewers :)**

Konan grabbed the camera from the room and hooked it up to the T.V.

"Alright guys, grab whatever you need from this area and get the hell out. I'm going to watch the daily mission reports," she announced.

"Hold on, I thought you and Lord Pain were going to watch this," asked Itachi. He didn't care as long it was only Konan watching it. He didn't really mind if Pain watched it, but Pain can't keep his mouth shut so he'd prefer if only Konan watched. However, if Kisame saw the tape, Kisame would never let Itachi live it down.

"I decided I didn't want to watch it," said Pain. Everyone who had paid a visit to the camera sighed in relief. Konan noticed this and thought, _hmm…I wonder what's going on. Some of them have been acting strange ever since finished reporting. This might be interesting_. The boys left the lounge room. Konan went into the kitchen and made herself some popcorn, returned to the lounge room, checked to see that everyone had left then sat down and began her Akatsuki Daily Report marathon.

The Next Morning

The boys were hanging around the kitchen, drinking their tea when Konan walked in rubbing her eyes and still half asleep.

"Mornin'," Itachi spoke, waking her up.

"Mor-," she began in reply before she stopped mid-sentence and looked up at them. Suddenly, after remembering the tape from last night, she began laughing uncontrollably. The boys stared at her as though she was a madman.

"Ummm...Konan? Are you alright?" Itachi asked since everyone else was wide-eyed confused.

"Y-yeah *laugh* I'm alright *laugh* I-it's just-"she couldn't control herself.

"Konan, stop laughing like a hyena." Konan stopped when she heard Pein's voice. Once Lord Pein says stop, you stop or risk having his Planetary Devastation used on you, then you'd be in deep shit.

"S-sorry Lord Pein," replied Konan as she tried to keep it in.

"Yeah, Konan, what the hell is so funny, hn?" asked the blonde. Konan pointed to the tape in the T.V because she was afraid if she opened her mouth she'd laugh. Hidan furrowed his brow.

"What's so funny about the bloody tape?" he asked. Then he realised, as well as Itachi and Deidara what was on the tape.

"She obviously wants us to watch it," Sasori stated. Itachi, Deidara and Hidan protested against it.

"What's wrong Hidan? You're nervous about watching the tape," Kakuzu teased.

"SHUT UP! I'm not nervous! I just don't want to watch the fucking tape because I don't want everyone to see…ummmm…it's stupid," Hidan said. That was the crapiest lie ever.

"I'll watch it," Kisame said. They turned on the T.V. and started the tape. Deidara, Itachi and Hidan tried to sneak out but Lord Pein threatened them. After the tape finished, there was an awkward silence. Konan shouldn't have motioned for them to watch it. Suddenly, everyone except Itachi, Deidara and Hidan were laughing their heads off. Even Lord Pein was chuckling.

"Oh wow, Hidan said the words 'rainbows and kittens' without the word 'hate' in one sentence! Itachi's not loved and Deidara's a chick!" Kisame managed between his outbursts of laughter. All three named shinobi death glared him.

"Hey guys, I've got the best theme song for Deidara: "That, that, dude looks like a lady!" Sasori exclaimed. Everyone laughed harder.

"SASORI MY MAN I WILL NOT HESITATE TO KILL YOU!" shouted Deidara furiously at the red head.

"Oooooo, Deidara's about to explode!"

"THAT IS IT!" Deidara kicked Sasori where it hurt most. Well, in Sasori's case, where it was supposed to hurt most. In the end, it was Deidara holding his foot which was now sore. Sasori had stopped laughing and was looking at the blonde with a raised eyebrow.

"…ow," Sasori responded sarcastically. "Dude, I'm a puppet. I'm completely made of wood."

"Yeah, well I didn't think of it, hn," said Deidara sitting on the ground holding his foot. Kisame noticed Deidara.

"Deidara, you're such a wuss, suck it up princess," the fish guy said. Konan walked over to Itachi who had activated his Mangekyou Sharingan, ready to condemn anyone to an infinite world of painful genjutsu if they said anything. Without realising his eyes, she slapped him on the back.

"Oh, don't worry Itachi. Sasuke will love you again…when you can turn back time," she said laughing. He looked at her and was about to cast a jutsu on her when Deidara interrupted him.

"Oh yeah Konan, I don't see why you're laughing. You also went crazy in front of the camera, insulting all of us boys, hn."

"Well yeah, do you know how hard it is to live with you all?" Before they could respond, she spoke again. "Yeah, didn't think so." She had turned serious again.

"Just one question; why didn't everyone record in front of the camera, hn?"

"Because they reported to us personally."

"You mean to say that we could have just told you instead of reporting in front of the camera?" asked Itachi.

"Well, everyone was meant to, but it turned out better in the end." Hidan snorted in disbelief.

"Well that was fucking pointless," he said. There was silence among the Akatsuki once again until Lord Pein spoke.

"By the way, has anyone seen Tobi?"

"Yeah, where is that fucked up little retard gone?" asked the paper girl. They all sat in silence. No one had really taken notice that he was gone.

-Somewhere in the Pacific ocean-

"Help me! Somebody please! Hidan? Zetsu? Anyone?!" screamed a little voice coming from inside a crate, floating on in the water.

**Ohhh...Poor Tobi, nobody loves him! That's alright, I still do...even...though I made him end up in a crate in the middle of nowhere. Anyway, that was the last of it. :) **


End file.
